I have an appt tomorrow to discuss medication. All my doctors would like to see me back on medication. I do take trazadone for sleep, have been for over twelve years now at 100 to 200 mg at night, but it rarely works now. I'm lucky to get three hours of sleep out of it. Anyway, their intentions are to (attempt) put me on an antidepressent again. I've been on any number of trycyclics and SSRIs, most names of which I've forgotten, but if you mention it, I'm sure to be able to tell you if I have tried it or not. The last one they tried me on was Mertazapine in February and March of this year. It was horrible. I gained 14 lbs and I haven't lost them yet. Even worse was how sleepy I was, could not stay awake anywhere, anyway, anyhow. I won't do trycyclics again. I hate SSRIs too. My ability to orgasm is almost permantly impaired from my years of their use.

I am becoming desparate to escape this depression. However... I just spent hours pouring over the drug facts on different meds I might be offered. I'm scared shitless. It also reminds me just how I did feel while on Celexa the last time. Numb. Nothing. I wasn't crying. But there was no joy either.

I feel like there is no hope.